Daddy, where’ve you gone? Mom is always crying now. My sisters always leave. They always whisper. They’ll never say it out loud. They never scream. They’re not bad like me.
I can’t take the silence. I’ve always crawled around this place. Tip toed over broken glass. I’ve gotten used to it. The quiet of this place. But this is different. This quiet’s like death. How can we all stay quiet? Why can’t we scream! Scream because our family’s fallen apart.
All my old friends are gone. All my furry confidants are dead. One was sold, and the other was left out on the sidewalk to be dinner to some hungry traveler. He was left in the cold in a little brown box filled with the nest I made him. He was left outside long before his wings had filled in. Little patches of pink still showed through the fluff of his wings. He called out. He was hungry. He called out. He was scared. He called out. Night was coming. But my mother wouldn’t let me out. Wouldn’t unlock the door. Wouldn’t let me save him. Because all my furry confidants made noises which made my daddy yell. And there was no reason to walk on tip toes around the old house if he was already screaming.
Surely that would make him love her! My mother–she had quieted the house. Sold away the last of my friends and left the other out on the sidewalk. We couldn’t hear him chirping in the morning. Walk outside. Just bones. No little chest to heave and show he was–
Do I hate her for it? Can I? I want to–I want to ask, “but where am I in all the chaos? What about the little one? Is it alright if I do anything but smile? Is it alright if i scream?” No–
I can’t. That’s what we do here. we get rid of anything that makes a sound. We lock it in it’s room. We lock it in the basement. We take it in the hospital. “There! That’s what you get for being so loud! There!”
But mother please! All I wanted to say was that I’m hurting! Mother all I’ve wanted to say is that it aches. He yells! He leaves! Where has he gone? Yes stay quiet! I know! Stay quiet and maybe he’ll come back! Stay quiet and maybe daddy’ll love you again. Maybe he’ll love us again.
But mother. Mother, I’m sorry I screamed. Mother, I’m sorry I let it show. Sisters, I’m sorry I’m a monster. I tried to keep it in. I tried not to let it show. But my furry friends are dead. And my father is gone. And my little bird was eaten on the sidewalk. He was so little. Didn’t you care when he made a sound? The little chirps through the night. Those were his screams.
The quiet in this house. The quiet isn’t bringing him back! Where’s daddy gone? Has he left because I was too loud?
I’m sorry mother–I should have known men don’t love you if you make a sound.
I’ll be quiet mother. Sow my lips together.
But all I wanted mother,
All I wanted was to tell you,
Perhaps you’ve always known,
I was afraid.
and all they wanted to tell you mother,
All they wanted to tell you,
My furry friends,
Was that they were too.