I can’t think of anything else to say but that I’m sorry. I don’t even know who I’m sorry too. My family, my friends, everyone…
I want so badly not to fall. To stand up and not have to feel like the whole world is crashing in and there’s no one around to help support the weight.
To be honest, I’m afraid–because this keeps happening. And every time I feel better, I think the worst of it is over, and then the pain comes and takes me by the throat again.
I don’t want to be afraid! I want to care again! find joy again! but just when I think I’ve found it–I fall back where I started.
This is how depression hurts…how your own mind can keep tearing your world apart. And all the pain and heartbreak and sadness just seems like the repeating sound of a shattering mirror.
I feel alone again. Its been weeks and I’ve let myself believe I am. But I’m not.
I’ve felt as cold as death. But I chose to believe I’m not.
I’m alive! I smell salt, I hear birds outside, and I feel pain! I’m alive.
I fell again.
And I will fall again.
And feel pain again.
But I will smell salt again.
And I will hear birds again.
And I will laugh beside my best friend again.
And I will feel the sun on my face.
I’ll run again.
Laugh and Laugh,
and watch the stars again.
And he’ll touch my freckles again, and kiss them when I sleep.
And that’s enough.
enough of a reason for me,
to get up again.